Faggot

"...and the two faggots next door..." screamed our next door neighbor while on the phone with someone. At that moment she was explaining why none of her neighbors could help her with a problem she was having at home. Unfortunately, instead of referring to us as her neighbors she resorted to this pejorative term to express her disgust about our sexual orientation and more importantly, to amplify her ignorance. Fortunately Paul and I weren't home to hear her but my partner was there and he heard the words loudly and clearly and we realized that we live next door to a bigot... at least the one bigot we are aware of because of her outspoken nature.

Yes, it is 2015 in the state of New York (generally considered a liberal state) but hate, prejudice and judgement are still rampant. The sad part is that we know it's not just the adults around us who say these things - our students/children use the words "faggot" and "gay" on a regular basis to communicate disapproval or disgust towards someone or something. I have heard children use these words with my own ears and although I generally seize the opportunity to educate the child about why these words shouldn't be used in that way, these isolated incidents are symptomatic of a bigger problem. From my vantage point, the consistent use of the word "gay" as a pejorative term within our classrooms is indicative of the deep rooted hate and ignorance that not only plagues our schools but our country as a whole (yes, I think our school system generally perpetuates the marginalization of certain groups based on race, ethnicity and sexual orientation). 

Is this reality sad in 2015? I would say, yes. Is this reality "wrong?" I would argue, yes. But, acknowledging it as sad or wrong isn't enough anymore. We can no longer address isolated incidents of hate and ignorance - the time has come for us to be more intentional about the work we are doing to educate our children. The time has come for us to be more thoughtful about the conversations we are having in our classrooms, especially when it comes to the word gay because of the negative connotation it carries for most people - even if the person saying the word is "just kidding," it is still wrong. If we want to stop hearing words like faggot or gay used in a negative way (along with the dozens of other words associated with marginalized people) we must educate our children from a young age. We cannot wait until they are in middle school or high school to correct their mistakes or raise their awareness. We must start at the elementary level, and even younger ages, so we can build on the children's naturally kind and accepting disposition and give them the knowledge, information and awareness they need so they can navigate life in an empathetic, informed and empowered way. In my mind, that is the key... teaching our children to be empathetic and understanding of those around them - especially those who have been marginalized. 

Yes, this is incredibly personal to me. I don't want to be worried about holding my partner's hand in public because of something someone might say or do. Yes, this is incredibly personal for me because I don't want my son to be embarrassed or afraid of telling people that he spent time with his dad and his dad's partner. Yes, this is incredibly personal for me because I can't stand by any longer allowing words like faggot to be used without regard for those on the other end. The time has come for change through education.