Privilege

Growing up I never thought of myself as white. I don't know why but I never quite fit in with the white people in my community. Am I probably the palest person in my world? Yup. Could anyone really get any whiter (physically) than me? Probably not. But, as a child of Greek immigrants and a first generation American, I never found it easy to associate with the "white" kids in my neighborhood. The white kids were the kids who didn't speak another language; the kids whose parents did not speak English with an accent; the kids who didn't have to go to parochial school to learn about a "foreign" language and culture; and the kids who ate things like hamburgers and hot dogs while we had spanakopita and lamb. The white kids were just that... white. And even though I was paler than most of them, the connections with the white kids were few and far between. 

Instead, when I was younger it was easier for me to establish connections with the kids who weren't white. My best friend growing up was Dominican. The kids I played baseball with on most afternoons were Colombian. The kids who seemed to understand my world were other immigrant children. This trend continued as I entered high school. I went to Jamaica High School in Queens and the kids I bonded with there were from the Caribbean, Pakistan and Guyana just to name a few. The connections with white kids still didn't happen easily and consistently. And when people asked me what I was, I always said Greek... I never saw myself as white or caucasian. 

But, the truth is, I am white and my whiteness has afforded me certain privileges that many of the people around me growing up could not easily access. Did I realize I had privilege growing up? No. Did I realize when I went to the local market with my friends after school no one ever watched me while we all walked around? No. Did I ever realize that when I sat in a room with the pool of newly hired teachers in NYC in 1997 almost all of them were white? No. I never realized the privilege my skin color afforded me each and every day when I left my home. 

My consciousness of this privilege really didn't surface until I started my doctorate about three years ago. That's right... I spent the first 37 years of my life completely oblivious to the white privilege that likely impacted the trajectory of my whole professionally journey. I spent 37 years not really understanding all the people who are marginalized each and every day in our world who will likely never have access to these same privileges. I spent 37 years completely oblivious to the fact that white privilege meant I never had to worry about things like the achievement and opportunity gaps. Yes, even though I spent most of life not identifying with the white people in my world the truth is that I am white and because of that I am viewed a certain way by those around me.

So, why am I writing about my white privilege? Because I needed to reflect on my journey; because I needed to acknowledge that white privilege does exist and it impacts things that happen in my world each and every day; because I needed to think about the perceptions I assign to people; and because I am hoping that eventually I can better engage in the difficult conversations I think are needed for our country to grow and evolve.